I absolutely wasn’t going to use this blog to whine about my crazy personality / depression issues – but why not – I opened the door already with this post so why not run with it, yeah?
I haven’t done anything from my list really – clean room lasted like a week, never made it to the gym or managed to get up early at all – I’m not sleeping well but I suppose that’s not really an excuse. It WAS nice to see my family, and I did register for school so that’s a bonus. Also I got to be nice a social a few times, but I think I managed to totally fuck up some other parts of my social life, or perhaps expect too much from people? Not sure. Either way, it’s frustrating and I’m unhappy about it.
But really, I’m just frustrated and unhappy any way. This post is probably dangerous because when I get really prickly like this I don’t usually tell anybody, I just mope around for a few days and pretend everything is okay, and can usually fool people into thinking that I’m fine. But I’m not fine.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Overall I’m fine. Today I’m not fine. Last night I wasn’t really fine either. Honestly I think I may have figured out the source of my not-fine-ness – and really I ought to just stop letting that person get to me. It’s really stupid to let the way a person talks to you (or rather, doesn’t) trigger episodes – but due to some icky stuff in the past I know that I get really sensitive about a couple of particular things, and it’s just easier if I don’t get involved with people who do the things that I’m sensitive about.
I don’t know. Probably I shouldn’t have said anything at all – sounds like I’m whining. Blah blah blah pity party blah blah blah nobody likes me blah blah blah sorry for myself. Arg. Need to snap out of it.
What I *should* do today is take a shower, do something creative with my hair, put on a little makeup, do laundry, and run some errands. Doing all of these things will force me to get up and get active and perhaps snap out of it a bit. I’m not promising anything, but I guess I’ll try, yeah?
Sometimes I want to hate my life. I don’t though. So I guess that’s a bonus point, right?
I’ll get over it. I always do. I’m not sure if whining about it online helped or not. Sorry.